The Interview Call

I have an interview, and I am en-route to the avenue riding in an auto. International School. I have an interview at a school! But I am not a teacher--the interview is for the position of a content writer. This is your dream job. Give it your best. I am nervous (obviously!). The road is so muddy, but I don't remember it raining the previous day. I am afraid the auto would get stuck in the mud. It doesn't, and I reach the school well before time. Kids in uniform wish me. "Good morning, madam." I smile to myself as  I make my way to the office. I stop short as I remember that I have forgotten to bring my resume or writing samples! How could I? I glance at my watch, its only 10:30 am; the interview is at 11. I wonder if I should just rush home and get the needed documents. I am confused and lost in thought. Just then an invisible voice addresses me. "Leave it", it says, "As it is, you can't take this job. What is the use even trying?" But a part of me doesn't want to give up so soon, I know I can't take this job, but at least I can attend the interview. I am still contemplating what to do. The sun is getting warmer and I wiggle my toes. They are getting sweaty under the bed sheet. Then I open my eyes. I am confused and I look around. 

Oh! I get it. I just woke up from a dream; but it was so vivid that it felt real. Wide awake by now, I get ready to start my Sunday. I feel upset because of the dream, almost tearful. That was my dream job! But I didn't even get to attend the interview. Anyway, I make myself some hot tea infused with fragrant spices. That perks up my mood and I get on with my chores.

It's Wednesday and I have just arrived at my office. I check my mail. There it is, shouting at me from my inbox:

REPUTED INTERNATIONAL SCHOOL REQUIRES CONTENT WRITER

I open the mail, and hurriedly read through the contents. Yes! This is the job I had dreamed about!  A sense of deja vu envelops me as I stare at the computer screen. Isn't it weird that something I dreamed about is actually happening? It’s funny, but I don't find it strange at all; it is as if I was expecting this to happen. That little invisible voice calls out again, “Come on! You know you can't take this job!" How much would I have loved to argue with that voice! But I don't. I know I can't take that job even if accepted. I delete the mail and get on with my work--the work that fails to give me joy anymore, the work that drains me so much that I wish I could quit.

Evil Granny

Recently I called up my granny, who at 77 is still one of the most beautiful--and active-- women I have ever met. After exchanging the obligatory pleasantries, both of us were stuck for a while as neither really had anything to say to the other. After a few seconds of awkward silence, granny re-started the conversation...

Granny:  So how’s your job going on?? All exciting and rocking?

Me: Err no. It’s not at all good, I am fed up.

(Not that I actually meant to say this and upset granny, but sometimes the truth spills out unintentionally)

Granny: Oh!! Good, good. I am glad you like your job.

Huhh??? Didn't she get what I was saying?

Me (this time intentionally): Well granny, I said I am NOT satisfied with it, I wish I could resign!

Granny: Hey, that’s great!! So you really love your job? You can also write on tourism.

HUHHH??? 

Me (frustrated, but trying not to sound irritated): Granny! I am fed up of my current job. I would have left but....

Granny (interrupts me mid-sentence): Yes, you go get a job that involves writing on tourism.

HUHHH???

No, she is not senile, and neither is she hard-of-hearing. Of course, she knows that I work for a publishing house that publishes textbooks. And she is very much aware of the fact that due to a crisis in my family I can't leave this job now even if I wanted to. 

So what explains her behaviour? Pure indifference. Since she is in no way affected by the issues I am going through, she is least bothered. She didn't even listen to what I was saying!! Sure shot sign that she is not concerned about me in any way!

OK. This brings up the issue--why does she need to be concerned about me in the first place? Just because she gave birth to the woman who gave birth to me? Of course not!! I don't suppose she is obliged to "love" me! But why does she pretend to do so then? Why does she keep on asking me when I would visit her? Why does she say that she misses me? Why does she want me to call often? Why all this pretenses when she is not even concerned about me at the very least? To project to the society that she is a caring grandmother? To impress her daughter (my mother) that she is interested in the well-being of her children? Whatever!!

And do I love her? Maybe I did when I was little, and too innocent about the ways of the world. To be frank, I wouldn’t say I am very close to her as on today—not after those of her manipulative attempts to brainwash/blackmail me when I still was naive enough to trust her—though I really do care about her, and am concerned about her welfare. Now that we had never really been close, I guess this incident simply adds to the already expanding chasm between us. 

Just Because...

The rose tint of my glasses is fading. Yes, it really is. There was a time when I used to be too idealistic, too optimistic about life. And people. Though life (with all its ups and downs) hasn't disappointed me so far, people definitely have. I have finally come to understand how selfish, mean and manipulative some people can be. Of course, the fact that I am so trusting, soft-spoken and emotional doesn't work in my favour. Anyway, I am glad that I am still idealistic and optimistic enough to view those who hurt me as sources of invaluable experience and important life lessons.

Just because…

• someone doesn't comment on your personal life, beliefs, etc. doesn't  mean they respect your viewpoints/opinion/personal choices. They could be plain indifferent.
• someone says they are "a bit busy" doesn't mean they actually are. It simply means you don't figure on their priority list.
• a guy says he doesn't want to lose you doesn't mean he actually values you. It simply means he wants you to ignore his wrongdoings, and stick with him in spite of all his misdeeds.
• someone calls you frequently doesn't mean they actually care about you; they could be bored and looking for some time pass (or looking for someone to dump their emotional garbage on).
• someone is being friendly doesn't mean they are really friends. Maybe they just want to get some things done through you.
• someone says sorry doesn't mean they realize/regret their mistake. They could be doing this to simply end the argument--without having to sort out the issue at hand.
• someone lends you a shoulder to cry on doesn't mean they are genuinely concerned. They could be doing this just for the ego-boost they get out of supporting a "poor helpless soul in distress".
• someone seconds each of your views/opinions doesn't mean you both are like minded. They could be pretending to think like you so that you can be "friends".
• someone swears that they will change doesn't mean they actually will. It is just a tired old ploy to make you forgive them once again.