Ever thought why we prefer to cling on to something that hurts us, instead of letting go of it and free ourselves of a burden? Why we hold on to relationships & friendships even long after they lose their meaningfulness? I had been clinging on to a friendship that was once very beautiful but of late had simply lost its meaning. I could have chosen to end it and move on, yet something prevented me from doing so. Maybe I could not accept that my friendship with him- my closest guy friend- could actually end. Of course there were signs, the unanswered calls, unreturned missed calls and ignored text messages. Yet when we did talk, he kept on insisting that I was, and would always remain his close friend. Believing the words he did not mean seemed to be easier than interpreting the signs which conveyed otherwise. Of course, I knew that our friendship was dying, slowly but surely. Looking back, I realize that he was not really at fault, sometimes people outgrow certain relationships, our friendship had simply reached its expiry date. He had grown out of it, and I had to learn to let go.
But like an immature being, I kept making desperate efforts to keep it alive. I wish I had not done that, I wish I had the maturity to accept that not all friendships, however great they might have once been, last forever. Anyway some weeks ago after another one of those strained conversations between us, I finally decided to let go- and free the both of us from the formality of keeping in touch for the sake of it.
It was not an easy decision, but it was definitely a necessary one. Maybe it would have been easier if we had continued pretending to be friends. Our friendship had not turned toxic, there was no bitterness, resentment or anger. But there was sadness. He was sad because his heart was no longer in it, and yet he did not want to hurt me. I was sad and hurt because of his indifferent and inconsistent behaviour. Continuing our "friendship" beyond this point would have simply been meaningless.
It was time to let go. I was liberated the moment I did. Freed from the bondage of a strained friendship, freed from the hurt & sadness. And I believe this is how he too felt.
I was not expecting a closure, but luckily it happened. We got a chance to formally say good bye and part without any negative feelings. It is hard when you have to part ways with your best friend, in a way it hurts more than breaking up with someone you had a crush on. But still a closure helps a lot. It helps to forgive, tie up the loose ends and move on with life.
