Time to QUIT :-) !!!

Why the hell have you turned into such a coward, N?

It was the unmistakable voice of my soul. My poor inner voice had been yelling, shouting, crying and pleading with me for months to listen to it. And I tried to ignore it for as long as I could. But I couldn't anymore. I have become a coward. I have become the person I was always afraid of becoming.

A typical real life person.  Someone who pretends everything is fine when their soul is crying. Someone who does what they would rather not be doing. Someone who uses their circumstances as an excuse for not listening to their soul. Someone who hates their job but doesn't have the guts to quit. There was a time when I used to find such people disgusting, and today I have become one such person.

This just can't go on any longer. Come on, N.

I feel disgusted at myself, ashamed of what I have become. And it's good that I am feeling this way, at least I know it’s time to face the truth.

But you know you can't take up another job right now?

It is the voice of my brain, who of late has been trying to force my soul into buying its logical arguments. My brain is right in a sense: father who is undergoing cancer treatment is scheduled to have a surgery in December, and I have to be home for at least a few weeks. No company (save my current employer) is going to grant any of its employees, leave alone a new one, so many leaves. A new job at this time is out of question. And to be frank, right now I am feeling pretty messed up, not really in a position to look for a new job.

Ok, I can't take up another job right now. But I can QUIT this one!!

Of course, why not? While it's true my family is going through a crisis, it's also true that no one is financially dependent on me--and I have enough savings to see through 3 or 4 months comfortably without a monthly pay. Situations aren't really as desperate as my stressed-out mind had made them out to be. I already feel lighter as I decide to quit, come what may. I am not bothered about the future; the future will take care of itself when the time comes.