Sunday, October 31, 2010

I accept, its the quarter life crisis



I had been living in self denial for the past many months, I just did not want to admit that I too, like many others,was having a quarter life crisis. I thought having job related worries and insecurities about the future were 'normal' for a 26 year old. But when I started growing apart from my best friends who had once been my classmates, I realized something was wrong. And I had to admit what I never wanted to.
The worst thing about quarter life is the loss of closeness from friends (I never expected it to happen to me :-( ). The other things like career worries and insecurities are still manageable. Life is beautiful when you are in your early twenties, you have great friends, you dream a lot & are full of hope for the future. But the moment you graduate out of college & enter the 'real world', things change. You start questioning yourself- your dreams & aspirations, your capabilities, career choices, values & beliefs- just everything about life. Suddenly everything seems so meaningless, you feel like you are no longer living, but simply existing through the chaos of everyday life. You feel empty, sad and confused because you don't know where you are headed to. You start getting nostalgic more often, you wish to rewind and go back to the 'good old days'. You wonder what went wrong- how could the fairytale you were living a couple of years ago lose its magic?
Still you know you are not alone, you know that your friends are also going through the same phase as you are. This somehow does make life easier, and you believe one day or the other you all would move over this stage and learn to live again, dream again.
And then comes a day, when you realize that you have slowly been growing apart from your friends, even the closest of them. And trust me, this is the most horrible thing about quarter life crisis. I had always been very close to my best friends and believed that they would be my friends forever. Now I sometimes wonder if this was just another one of my naive, idealistic beliefs? Do even best friends move away from each other? It is not that friends stop caring about each other or start taking others for granted. I love my friends a lot and know that they too care about me, yet now a days it feels so difficult to connect with them (In fact, there are times when I am unable to connect even with myself, my own soul)
If life at 26 is not easy for me, then probably it is not easier for them either. I know, they are having their own quarter life crises, dealing with their insecurities and wondering if they are the only ones feeling like this. I wish I could go back to the time when a simple phone call would do wonders, and everything would be alright again. Why is it that now its tough to keep a conversation going for even 5 minutes with someone you could chat with for hours just a couple of years ago? I just hope this QLC thing fades away soon, I am just tired of it...

No comments:

Post a Comment